1
00:00:39,687 --> 00:00:42,645
Anyone in residence?

2
00:00:42,807 --> 00:00:45,958
You're early.
We haven't got to be there till eight.

3
00:00:46,127 --> 00:00:48,118
Oh, yeah. We've got ages.

4
00:00:48,287 --> 00:00:52,041
Can I put a couple of bits
through your washing machine?

5
00:00:52,207 --> 00:00:56,041
- Mine conked out this morning.
- Whatever.

6
00:00:56,207 --> 00:00:58,516
Can we not make it a late one?

7
00:00:58,687 --> 00:01:01,759
It's tomorrow morning,
that big court case with His Nibs.

8
00:01:01,927 --> 00:01:05,317
- Oh, that's right.
- The press will have a field day,

9
00:01:05,487 --> 00:01:08,479
Adam Klaus up
for propositioning a waitress with a kipper.

10
00:01:08,647 --> 00:01:11,957
I've got to be there
as a possible character witness, so...

11
00:01:12,127 --> 00:01:15,119
Only I know what you're like at dinner parties -

12
00:01:15,287 --> 00:01:18,643
blethering away
till three o'clock in the... My God!

13
00:01:18,847 --> 00:01:23,557
- What the hell's all this?
- Just a few odds and sods.

14
00:01:23,767 --> 00:01:27,840
<i>Odds and sods?!
It's like the relief effort to an earthquake zone!</i>

15
00:01:28,607 --> 00:01:33,078
- Are you planning a prison breakout?
- So I know what goes with what.

16
00:01:33,247 --> 00:01:37,126
Now, don't upset my system.
It's a Zen thing for me, washing.

17
00:01:37,287 --> 00:01:40,677
- I have to be in the mood.
- You'll do this by seven?

18
00:01:41,487 --> 00:01:44,479
Are you mad?
I thought you could finish it tomorrow.

19
00:01:44,687 --> 00:01:49,044
Oh, yes. I've got Widow Twanky staying.
It'll be no sweat.

20
00:01:52,567 --> 00:01:55,559
What are their names again,
these friends of yours?

21
00:01:55,727 --> 00:01:57,957
Saul and Sadie Beetroot-Stain?

22
00:01:58,167 --> 00:02:01,796
Bechtenstein.
I met her last year at this press thing.

23
00:02:01,967 --> 00:02:04,276
Ever since, she's been badgering me to visit.

24
00:02:04,447 --> 00:02:06,756
I'm convinced she thinks I'm Jewish.

25
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,997
- What do you mean?
- What do you mean?

26
00:02:09,167 --> 00:02:10,998
What do you mean, THINKS you're Jewish?

27
00:02:11,847 --> 00:02:14,884
THINKS I'm Jewish.
Every time we meet I get this,

28
00:02:15,047 --> 00:02:19,040
"What are you doing
for Yom Kippur?" Stuff like that.

29
00:02:20,087 --> 00:02:22,476
- What?
- Nothing. No.

30
00:02:23,527 --> 00:02:25,518
She knows about me, though?

31
00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:28,121
- She knows I'm not kosher?
- Oh, yeah.

32
00:02:28,327 --> 00:02:32,843
- 'Cause if you've been telling fibs...
- Oh, don't be ridiculous.

33
00:02:34,127 --> 00:02:38,279
Dr Creek, we meet at last!
Such a pleasure. I've heard all about you.

34
00:02:38,487 --> 00:02:41,001
Maddy, darling!

35
00:02:42,847 --> 00:02:46,681
- Hello. I'm Madeline. Hi.
- Jonathan, nice to meet you.

36
00:02:46,847 --> 00:02:51,318
My husband Saul, who's in insurance.
Come and meet our new neighbours.

37
00:02:51,487 --> 00:02:56,322
Alice and Lenny Spearfish. They've
just bought Tierra Santa on the corner...

38
00:03:04,807 --> 00:03:07,321
So, um... what do you think
of my husband's yarmulke?

39
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:11,241
- He made it himself.
- Mmm! Exquisite!

40
00:03:11,407 --> 00:03:14,046
.. ly decorated,

41
00:03:14,207 --> 00:03:16,482
with all the lovely stitching.

42
00:03:16,687 --> 00:03:19,804
You ever need a seamstress,
I'm telling you. But then,

43
00:03:20,007 --> 00:03:22,999
you'll be quite handy
with a needle yourself, Jonathan.

44
00:03:23,167 --> 00:03:26,079
You're not the first gynaecologist
to use that spoon,

45
00:03:26,287 --> 00:03:28,562
but it's always an honour.

46
00:03:29,087 --> 00:03:33,205
Confidentially, I wouldn't mind a word later
about one or two matters.

47
00:03:33,367 --> 00:03:37,997
- Yes, actually...
- So, Lenny, what business are you in?

48
00:03:38,207 --> 00:03:42,644
- You seem to have done well for yourself.
- Yes, we... came into some money,

49
00:03:42,807 --> 00:03:46,686
- totally by chance.
- .. would be one way of looking at it.

50
00:03:46,887 --> 00:03:51,563
- Maybe chance had nothing to do with it.
- Well... It just happened that way.

51
00:03:51,767 --> 00:03:55,601
Come on, Alice.
We can share the secret of our success.

52
00:03:55,807 --> 00:04:01,803
Why shouldn't they know the truth -
that I sold my soul to the Devil.

53
00:04:09,607 --> 00:04:13,361
Sorry. I suppose
that's a bit of a conversation stopper.

54
00:04:15,087 --> 00:04:19,365
Whoops. "What kind
of a cranky tale's he going to spin us?"

55
00:04:20,807 --> 00:04:25,358
Well, no more or less than the truth,
I can promise you.

56
00:04:27,007 --> 00:04:30,283
Fine.
If you want to cut me off, that's great.

57
00:04:30,447 --> 00:04:34,440
<i>You wouldn't think, two months ago,
life had anything left to offer us.</i>

58
00:04:34,647 --> 00:04:40,483
<i>Three years of marriage, we were on the ropes -
overdrafts, negative equity...</i>

59
00:04:41,247 --> 00:04:44,125
<i>Every day, we just seemed to sink further down.</i>

60
00:04:44,767 --> 00:04:50,160
<i>It came to a point, one Monday,
a few quid in my pocket from that giro,</i>

61
00:04:50,327 --> 00:04:54,957
<i>I don't know... I just had to wash away the pain.</i>

62
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:04,763
<i>Coming home afterwards,
well, I'd heard about this place,</i>

63
00:05:04,927 --> 00:05:07,202
<i>the weird kind of stuff they sold.</i>

64
00:05:07,367 --> 00:05:11,918
<i>I don't know...
Today, something made me go inside.</i>

65
00:05:31,127 --> 00:05:35,757
<i>He asked me what I was seeking.
Solutions? Revelations?</i>

66
00:05:36,967 --> 00:05:40,039
<i>Would I like to know
what the future held in store?</i>

67
00:05:40,247 --> 00:05:43,683
<i>I said I had no future, that was the problem.</i>

68
00:05:43,887 --> 00:05:46,481
<i>There was nothing in there I wanted to buy.</i>

69
00:05:46,687 --> 00:05:50,521
<i>He said, in that case,
maybe I had something to sell.</i>

70
00:06:07,887 --> 00:06:09,878
<i>What can I say?</i>

71
00:06:10,047 --> 00:06:13,323
<i>It was like some kind of adrenalin surge.</i>

72
00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:19,321
<i>The ultimate escape.
The ultimate "screw you" to God and the world.</i>

73
00:06:27,647 --> 00:06:29,877
<i>I gave him his commission.</i>

74
00:06:30,087 --> 00:06:34,319
<i>Of course, it was all a con.
How could I sell my soul to Satan?</i>

75
00:06:35,967 --> 00:06:39,482
<i>I didn't believe in souls,
didn't believe in Satan...</i>

76
00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:43,883
until the next day.

77
00:06:45,527 --> 00:06:50,157
<i>I'd finally got round to having a go
at this dead tree in the garden.</i>

78
00:06:56,607 --> 00:06:57,926
Alice!

79
00:07:02,007 --> 00:07:06,125
<i>To cut a long story short,
it was over 200 years old.</i>

80
00:07:08,287 --> 00:07:11,165
I can formally declare, having taken evidence...

81
00:07:11,327 --> 00:07:14,478
<i>They held a coroner's inquest
and declared it treasure trove.</i>

82
00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:21,124
<i>Overnight, we were �1.3 million richer.</i>

83
00:07:22,087 --> 00:07:24,760
Yeah, that'd be great if you could do that...

84
00:07:24,927 --> 00:07:29,955
<i>The day we moved out, Alice found the document.</i>

85
00:07:30,127 --> 00:07:33,881
<i>Of course, when I told her what it was,
she wasn't best pleased.</i>

86
00:07:34,047 --> 00:07:36,607
<i>God and the Bible she took very seriously.</i>

87
00:07:36,767 --> 00:07:38,837
Don't worry about it. It's...

88
00:07:40,167 --> 00:07:44,285
<i>Me? By this time, I didn't know what to believe.</i>

89
00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:12,480
<i>The Fire Brigade's first thought
was a short circuit somewhere.</i>

90
00:08:12,647 --> 00:08:15,445
The loss adjuster said no.

91
00:08:15,607 --> 00:08:19,043
The pattern of spread
pointed to it starting in the hall,

92
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:24,122
in one of those tea chests,
maybe, of old papers.

93
00:08:25,647 --> 00:08:27,365
Caused by?

94
00:08:27,967 --> 00:08:30,242
No one was prepared to say.

95
00:08:31,567 --> 00:08:34,877
Either way, the evidence was gone forever.

96
00:08:37,287 --> 00:08:40,723
Along with everything else. Our entire past.

97
00:08:41,927 --> 00:08:44,646
Our whole life together up to that point.

98
00:08:46,367 --> 00:08:48,358
Burnt to hell.

99
00:08:49,527 --> 00:08:52,519
Well, that was another evening of fun and frolics.

100
00:08:52,687 --> 00:08:56,202
"This is my next-door neighbour.
He's in league with Lucifer. "

101
00:08:56,367 --> 00:09:00,724
Followed by a private consultation
about her intimate marital problems.

102
00:09:00,887 --> 00:09:04,197
She asked about caps moving.
I thought she meant yarmulkes.

103
00:09:04,367 --> 00:09:06,835
I said, "Have you tried toupee tape?"

104
00:09:07,007 --> 00:09:10,966
Why did you tell her I was a doctor?
You've got no scruples.

105
00:09:11,127 --> 00:09:14,517
- Truth and fiction, there's no...
- Will you shut up for a sec?

106
00:09:19,567 --> 00:09:22,639
For goodness' sake, Alice.
Our whole life's a gamble.

107
00:09:22,807 --> 00:09:26,163
Stop being such a misery.
The night's young. We're still young.

108
00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:30,326
I'm not in the mood
for blowing a fortune on a little silver ball.

109
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,762
You can go on your own!

110
00:09:48,327 --> 00:09:50,887
Can we drop you anywhere?

111
00:09:54,047 --> 00:09:58,359
<i>He's always had the bug.
Of course, now he's got the money.</i>

112
00:09:58,527 --> 00:10:02,600
<i>He'll find some club,
casino somewhere, and that'll be that.</i>

113
00:10:05,167 --> 00:10:07,920
He's not what you think he is.

114
00:10:08,087 --> 00:10:12,922
That's not the real Lenny,
the man I married. It's just...

115
00:10:13,087 --> 00:10:18,002
You're talking about temptations
beyond anything he's ever experienced.

116
00:10:18,167 --> 00:10:21,159
Somehow... I don't know...

117
00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:27,158
We've got to find a way
to deal with all this or...

118
00:10:29,607 --> 00:10:32,565
Well, it was nice meeting you both.

119
00:10:39,687 --> 00:10:43,475
So, when you arrived
with his breakfast, Miss Cretiss,

120
00:10:43,647 --> 00:10:46,115
at 8.15 in the morning,

121
00:10:46,287 --> 00:10:51,202
your exact words,
through the hotel room door were -

122
00:10:51,367 --> 00:10:54,803
and let's be quite clear about this -

123
00:10:55,767 --> 00:10:59,885
- "Good morning. Room service. "
- That's correct.

124
00:11:00,047 --> 00:11:05,679
Not "Good morning. I've come to commit
an unnatural act with a grilled herring,"

125
00:11:05,847 --> 00:11:08,236
but, "Good morning. Room service. "

126
00:11:08,407 --> 00:11:12,002
- Correct.
- Despite which, when he opened the door,

127
00:11:12,207 --> 00:11:18,203
wearing what you described
as a "nancy kimono bed jacket",

128
00:11:19,127 --> 00:11:25,043
he made what was to be the first
of several improper suggestions.

129
00:11:25,287 --> 00:11:28,518
- Yes, he pointed across the room.
- With his finger?

130
00:11:28,727 --> 00:11:31,560
At that stage, just with his finger,

131
00:11:31,727 --> 00:11:35,242
and said, "Let's have it
over there on the table. "

132
00:11:35,447 --> 00:11:39,326
"Let's have it over there on the table. "

133
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:43,635
And as you crossed the room,

134
00:11:43,807 --> 00:11:50,076
you noticed he had now let his bed jacket
fall open with, in your words,

135
00:11:50,247 --> 00:11:53,205
"his wedding tackle standing to attention".

136
00:11:53,407 --> 00:11:56,080
Bearing in mind it was over my shoulder.

137
00:11:57,567 --> 00:12:00,525
- Pardon me?
- I was facing the other way,

138
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:04,282
but I could see it over my shoulder in the mirror.

139
00:12:04,447 --> 00:12:06,722
Quite so, Miss Cretiss.

140
00:12:14,687 --> 00:12:19,317
Can you believe the mendacity, Jonathan,
the sheer vindictiveness of some people?

141
00:12:19,487 --> 00:12:21,796
Here, do you want a job?

142
00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:25,522
It's no exaggeration to say
it's the assassination of Kennedy again.

143
00:12:25,727 --> 00:12:27,763
Actually, it is an exaggeration.

144
00:12:27,967 --> 00:12:32,483
Huh! It's not enough our dates
across the Channel are in serious trouble.

145
00:12:32,647 --> 00:12:34,877
Did you see the figures for Paris?

146
00:12:35,047 --> 00:12:37,436
- It's a disaster.
- Sorry?

147
00:12:37,607 --> 00:12:40,883
Our Tour de France
will be one big oven-ready turkey

148
00:12:41,047 --> 00:12:44,005
if tickets don't start moving
in the next seven days,

149
00:12:44,167 --> 00:12:47,557
while I'm stuck here,
facing a possible order for six-figure damages.

150
00:13:23,327 --> 00:13:27,036
You just can't see these people
for the parasites they are.

151
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:31,120
She'll be on a healthy commission.
How much have you signed away now?

152
00:13:31,287 --> 00:13:37,123
An adventurous portfolio,
balancing medium- to high-risk investments.

153
00:13:37,287 --> 00:13:41,280
She said, in 12 months,
we could double our stake.

154
00:13:42,287 --> 00:13:46,883
Lenny... It's scaring me, all this.

155
00:13:48,607 --> 00:13:51,804
I wondered if we should talk
to someone... from the church.

156
00:13:51,967 --> 00:13:56,757
About what? Look, I'm on a roll now
for the first time in my life.

157
00:13:56,927 --> 00:14:02,126
- I can't explain it. I don't want to.
- You'll have to account for this one day.

158
00:14:02,287 --> 00:14:05,757
One day. You live for one day,
you miss out on now.

159
00:14:06,647 --> 00:14:11,596
Now is all we have, Alice.
You've got to learn to make the most of it.

160
00:14:29,887 --> 00:14:32,355
Place your bets, please.

161
00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:36,205
Three, red.

162
00:16:07,487 --> 00:16:11,765
Look, Troy... I paid what I owed.

163
00:16:12,567 --> 00:16:14,558
Everything.

164
00:16:16,207 --> 00:16:18,198
We're even!

165
00:16:18,367 --> 00:16:20,483
Do you think so?

166
00:17:33,967 --> 00:17:36,527
This isn't real!
I don't believe you're saying this!

167
00:17:36,727 --> 00:17:40,800
- You paid for some woman...?!
- Look, I'm sorry. It happened.

168
00:17:41,647 --> 00:17:44,719
Business transaction. I was barely conscious.

169
00:17:44,887 --> 00:17:49,005
You're missing the point.
This guy - her pimp, whatever he was -

170
00:17:49,167 --> 00:17:52,398
fired two bullets into my chest
and they bounced off!

171
00:17:52,567 --> 00:17:55,001
No blanks, no bullet-proof vest.

172
00:17:56,807 --> 00:18:01,927
It's all happening to me, Alice.
It's like I can't lose anymore.

173
00:18:02,087 --> 00:18:05,159
I have the power to do anything I want.

174
00:18:07,207 --> 00:18:11,962
Look, at no time did I incite her
to have sex with a fish.

175
00:18:13,447 --> 00:18:18,840
Like I said, she dropped the tray on my foot.
She said, "There goes your kipper. "

176
00:18:19,007 --> 00:18:21,237
- I said, "Oh, f... "
- Yes?

177
00:18:21,967 --> 00:18:23,958
"Forget the kipper. "

178
00:18:24,127 --> 00:18:26,641
"Sod the kipper. " "Blow the kipp... "

179
00:18:26,807 --> 00:18:29,196
I- I don't know. I can't remember.

180
00:18:29,407 --> 00:18:35,642
Mr Klaus, isn't the truth that you were aroused
by this woman from the moment she walked in?

181
00:18:35,847 --> 00:18:41,046
I was not aroused. I just had a tense night.

182
00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:45,280
As any man knows,
sometimes it's like that in the morning.

183
00:18:45,487 --> 00:18:49,480
- Like waking up with a stiff neck.
- Yes, exactly!

184
00:18:55,087 --> 00:18:58,443
- You been in yet?
- No. What are you doing here?

185
00:18:58,607 --> 00:19:02,441
Do you remember Dr Faustus and his missus?

186
00:19:02,607 --> 00:19:07,123
I just got a call from her.
It's all getting weirder by the second.

187
00:19:07,327 --> 00:19:13,038
Mr Klaus, do you deny
that when Miss Cretiss cried out in shock,

188
00:19:13,207 --> 00:19:19,442
your response was to perform, in front of her,
an act of gross indecency with a Union Jack?

189
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:21,846
No!

190
00:19:22,247 --> 00:19:25,319
I just grabbed for something to cover myself up.

191
00:19:25,527 --> 00:19:30,282
- There were some props on the chair, and I...
- Mr Klaus! Yes or no?

192
00:19:30,487 --> 00:19:36,084
When this poor lady screamed,
did you or did you not hang a flag on it?

193
00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:43,841
I can't go tonight. I've got to go
to the theatre, assuming he gets out alive.

194
00:19:44,007 --> 00:19:45,998
OK. I'll leg it, then.

195
00:19:46,967 --> 00:19:52,678
- Oh, anything I should look out for?
- See if those bullet marks wash off.

196
00:20:05,927 --> 00:20:10,603
Of course, the danger
is your imagination starts filling in the gaps.

197
00:20:10,767 --> 00:20:15,158
Like this contract
with the Devil bursting into flames.

198
00:20:15,327 --> 00:20:18,603
Maybe something else
in that tea chest was combustible.

199
00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:23,124
It was just old papers from the loft,
letters and diaries of my mum's,

200
00:20:23,287 --> 00:20:28,805
stuff of my dad's - both deceased,
but you know how you hang onto things.

201
00:20:28,967 --> 00:20:33,438
- I hate to think what they'd have made of this.
- Religious people?

202
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,802
Very proper and correct.

203
00:20:35,967 --> 00:20:42,566
She'd worked in service to dukes and lords.
She was very conscious of her place.

204
00:20:42,727 --> 00:20:48,245
He was a devout Catholic. Brought me up
with a very clear idea of good and evil.

205
00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:52,076
It's the same in your religion.
We both worship the God of Abraham.

206
00:20:52,247 --> 00:20:55,478
Well, yeah... No, sorry. Actually, I'm not...

207
00:20:55,647 --> 00:20:58,366
Anyway, this prostitute thing...

208
00:21:00,327 --> 00:21:05,526
I rang up the police, and they had him
straight down there to identify the body.

209
00:21:05,687 --> 00:21:10,715
It seems she'd been double-crossing this bloke
she worked for, who's a bit of a psycho.

210
00:21:10,887 --> 00:21:13,037
He just let her have it.

211
00:21:13,207 --> 00:21:16,756
They said if he finds out
Lenny's still alive as a witness...

212
00:21:16,967 --> 00:21:21,643
If you're going to put all this in your book,
maybe you should inspect the evidence.

213
00:21:26,287 --> 00:21:28,847
Even the police surgeon was baffled.

214
00:21:29,007 --> 00:21:33,046
No, question.
They'd gone through my shirt and burnt the skin,

215
00:21:33,207 --> 00:21:37,325
so why didn't they penetrate,
when bullets from the same gun...?

216
00:21:43,047 --> 00:21:45,720
You got lucky once, friend.

217
00:21:46,527 --> 00:21:49,837
Twice? I don't think so.

218
00:21:50,047 --> 00:21:51,765
Yeah?

219
00:21:51,927 --> 00:21:54,077
- Come on, then.
- Lenny!

220
00:22:03,767 --> 00:22:05,564
See, look.

221
00:22:08,207 --> 00:22:10,004
He can't.

222
00:22:13,087 --> 00:22:15,157
Come on! What's stopping you?

223
00:22:21,607 --> 00:22:23,757
Come on, you bastard! Fire!

224
00:22:44,607 --> 00:22:46,677
He's dead.

225
00:22:52,967 --> 00:22:56,243
He couldn't have been having a fit?
What colour was his face?

226
00:22:56,447 --> 00:23:01,441
The only thing I thought I saw
was like a little red birthmark on his cheek

227
00:23:01,607 --> 00:23:06,078
that was there one minute,
and the next second seemed to have gone.

228
00:23:06,247 --> 00:23:11,605
It's so unreal, this whole thing,
like something out of a Frank Capra movie.

229
00:23:11,807 --> 00:23:15,925
There were no entry wounds
anywhere on the body?

230
00:23:16,087 --> 00:23:20,717
No poison darts tipped
with the venom of an Afghan swamp adder?

231
00:23:20,927 --> 00:23:23,999
No doubt, if they find anything,
we'll be the first...

232
00:23:24,167 --> 00:23:26,158
- What are you doing?
- What?

233
00:23:26,367 --> 00:23:30,599
- You're not going to iron that?!
- Oh, I suppose you just put it on as it is,

234
00:23:30,767 --> 00:23:32,758
all wrinkled to kingdom come.

235
00:23:32,927 --> 00:23:36,363
Take no pride in your laundry of any kind?

236
00:23:37,647 --> 00:23:43,836
So, come on. A man sells his soul to the Devil,
then he wakes up and he's a millionaire.

237
00:23:44,007 --> 00:23:49,684
Bullets can't harm him, and a guy that tries
to kill him just crumples to the floor.

238
00:23:51,447 --> 00:23:58,239
<i>What if... Lenny Spearfish
pulls off this amazing jewel robbery.</i>

239
00:23:58,407 --> 00:24:03,925
To explain away his new-found wealth
pretends to dig it up in the back garden.

240
00:24:04,087 --> 00:24:09,445
All this diabolism stuff is just to distract
his wife, who takes that stuff seriously.

241
00:24:09,607 --> 00:24:13,839
Plus, it gives him an excuse
to start enjoying himself again -

242
00:24:14,007 --> 00:24:16,726
the gambling and sleeping around.

243
00:24:17,327 --> 00:24:21,878
The other guy is in on it,
making it all look real,

244
00:24:22,047 --> 00:24:26,916
except he cocks up the bit by the pool
and accidentally cracks his head open.

245
00:24:27,127 --> 00:24:30,722
<i>Amazing. I am very impressed.</i>

246
00:24:31,567 --> 00:24:35,765
I never thought that stain would come out,
but a little bit of Biotex...

247
00:24:36,487 --> 00:24:39,763
Shame you can't starch your tongue, isn't it?

248
00:24:40,487 --> 00:24:46,756
Try as I might, I don't see Lenny Spearfish
as this machiavellian trickster.

249
00:24:46,927 --> 00:24:52,047
A good trick needs invention.
It needs precision. It needs expertise.

250
00:24:52,207 --> 00:24:54,641
What else does it need, just as important?

251
00:24:55,847 --> 00:24:59,044
It needs an audience, otherwise what's the point?

252
00:25:00,207 --> 00:25:04,758
Why make a parchment miraculously catch fire
if there's no one to see it?

253
00:25:04,927 --> 00:25:08,283
Those bullets bouncing off -
who's he trying to impress?

254
00:25:08,447 --> 00:25:13,760
The girl's dead, the killer's just scarpered.
The only person spooked was Lenny himself.

255
00:25:13,967 --> 00:25:18,722
Hang on a sec. If we're saying
they're not tricks, what are we saying?

256
00:25:20,167 --> 00:25:21,885
What?

257
00:25:22,047 --> 00:25:26,165
It's what you said
about being in a Frank Capra movie.

258
00:25:26,367 --> 00:25:30,838
<i>A little light came on suddenly,
just for a second, then fizzled out again.</i>

259
00:25:31,007 --> 00:25:32,998
Very irritating.

260
00:25:37,447 --> 00:25:42,396
Do you know what? I'm wondering
if everyone's right. Maybe I am Jewish.

261
00:25:42,567 --> 00:25:45,957
There's no telling
what's lurking in my family tree.

262
00:25:46,127 --> 00:25:49,836
I never knew
if my father had a name, let alone a foreskin.

263
00:25:50,007 --> 00:25:55,559
So, come on. Sunday morning shoppers
and all that. No time to hang about.

264
00:26:02,767 --> 00:26:05,759
Are these notes accurate,
what she said yesterday?

265
00:26:05,927 --> 00:26:10,398
Of course they're accurate.
God! I'm in agony here, Jonathan!

266
00:26:10,567 --> 00:26:14,162
What did you put in this bra,
quick-drying cement?

267
00:26:23,887 --> 00:26:30,599
Is this the latest funky idea? A crime writer
and a gynaecologist team up to solve murders?

268
00:26:31,527 --> 00:26:33,757
What are you looking for?

269
00:26:33,927 --> 00:26:41,277
She said she saw a little red birthmark
on his face that suddenly disappeared.

270
00:26:41,687 --> 00:26:43,917
That ring any bells with you?

271
00:26:45,287 --> 00:26:49,280
Ooh, nice watch. Rolex?

272
00:26:54,807 --> 00:26:58,595
Do you want to hear
something you don't want to hear?

273
00:26:58,767 --> 00:27:02,203
- Um...
- That woman who came here,

274
00:27:02,367 --> 00:27:06,280
talked him into all those stocks -
she's coming back this morning.

275
00:27:07,007 --> 00:27:11,444
Well, I got lawyers to check her out
on all the professional registers.

276
00:27:11,607 --> 00:27:14,644
Apparently, her name's not listed anywhere.

277
00:27:16,247 --> 00:27:20,035
Anthea Spacey does not exist.

278
00:27:21,847 --> 00:27:26,125
So, come on, Lenny.
How much of all this do you believe?

279
00:27:26,287 --> 00:27:31,281
The Devil has granted you power and prosperity
in exchange for your immortal soul

280
00:27:31,447 --> 00:27:35,884
We're here. That guy
who tried to kill me is lying in the morgue.

281
00:27:36,047 --> 00:27:38,117
That's not what I asked.

282
00:27:38,287 --> 00:27:41,324
You should ask my wife.
She seems pretty convinced.

283
00:27:41,487 --> 00:27:45,241
God-fearing family. Good Catholic parents.

284
00:27:45,407 --> 00:27:48,956
My tribe were all Londoners.
Didn't believe in anything.

285
00:27:51,687 --> 00:27:53,882
Part of me still doesn't.

286
00:27:56,007 --> 00:28:01,240
All I know is that something's happened
that's turned my life around,

287
00:28:01,407 --> 00:28:05,559
and I don't knock it and I don't question it.

288
00:28:06,207 --> 00:28:10,200
If you'll excuse me,
I think that's my business adviser just arrived.

289
00:28:12,327 --> 00:28:15,763
Don't ask me
to explain this, Mr Spearfish. I can't.

290
00:28:15,967 --> 00:28:18,527
One expects
a little upward movement, a little down,

291
00:28:18,727 --> 00:28:26,122
but early indications across the board are...
well, I think healthy barely covers it.

292
00:28:26,287 --> 00:28:31,566
Would you like to know how much money
you've made in the last 24 hours?

293
00:28:41,887 --> 00:28:44,037
This is impossible, surely?

294
00:28:44,687 --> 00:28:47,724
Leaky pen.
Is there somewhere I could just, er...?

295
00:28:49,247 --> 00:28:52,523
Then I'll try to make some sense of it for you.

296
00:29:09,727 --> 00:29:13,879
- When she comes out, keep her talking.
- About what? Where are you off to?

297
00:29:14,647 --> 00:29:18,560
Going for a shufti round her car.
See if I can find out who she really is.

298
00:30:20,647 --> 00:30:22,080
Yes?

299
00:30:23,247 --> 00:30:29,880
Let's just say it's not getting any easier.
I'm running out of ideas, but... we'll see.

300
00:30:31,087 --> 00:30:33,726
Right. Bye.

301
00:31:29,607 --> 00:31:32,440
Oh... There it is.

302
00:31:53,807 --> 00:31:57,402
You took your time.
Have you never driven an automatic before?

303
00:31:57,567 --> 00:32:01,321
I've never driven a car before!
I didn't want to risk anything.

304
00:32:05,327 --> 00:32:10,526
She said it wasn't getting any easier
and she was running out of ideas.

305
00:32:10,687 --> 00:32:14,805
The guy made an unreal killing
on the stock market in one day.

306
00:32:14,967 --> 00:32:20,121
"Unreal" is the word,
although things are becoming clearer.

307
00:32:21,407 --> 00:32:26,845
You had a good squint at his chest last night.
I don't suppose you looked at his wrists?

308
00:32:27,487 --> 00:32:31,560
We know the man's a gambler and likes a drink,

309
00:32:31,727 --> 00:32:37,404
so there's every reason to take that story
about a night on the town at face value.

310
00:32:40,287 --> 00:32:44,166
<i>The guy's obviously loaded.
Ripe for some high-class hooker</i>

311
00:32:44,327 --> 00:32:46,921
<i>to whisk him up to her room somewhere.</i>

312
00:32:47,087 --> 00:32:51,285
<i>By this time, he's totally out of it.
He'll buy anything she's offering.</i>

313
00:32:51,447 --> 00:32:57,522
<i>Let's imagine that for top dollar,
there are some special services she performs.</i>

314
00:32:59,087 --> 00:33:05,925
<i>I'm afraid there's no way those grazes
I saw on his wrists were caused by a Rolex.</i>

315
00:33:09,207 --> 00:33:11,004
Aah!

316
00:33:18,847 --> 00:33:22,522
<i>If he had a good time,
he wouldn't remember it.</i>

317
00:33:26,367 --> 00:33:30,724
<i>The guy shoots at him in the dark,
hits the bedpost or whatever,</i>

318
00:33:30,887 --> 00:33:35,165
<i>the pain in his chest
makes him think he's been hit.</i>

319
00:33:36,447 --> 00:33:39,280
The rest of the story is anyone's guess.

320
00:33:39,487 --> 00:33:44,925
I was forgetting you were an expert
on handcuffs and their associated abrasions.

321
00:33:45,087 --> 00:33:48,397
I may write a small monograph on the subject.

322
00:33:49,527 --> 00:33:53,042
Which all begs the question,
where do we go from here?

323
00:33:54,687 --> 00:33:56,678
My place?

324
00:34:00,087 --> 00:34:04,239
Ooh, you know that feeling when someone's
been at your nipples with a spanner?

325
00:34:04,407 --> 00:34:06,557
Oddly enough, no.

326
00:34:06,727 --> 00:34:09,685
You're a bit too nifty with that starch.

327
00:34:09,847 --> 00:34:12,919
Where's your hand? There.

328
00:34:13,567 --> 00:34:16,127
See what you've done to it, look?

329
00:34:16,287 --> 00:34:18,755
All in there... Yeah, and there.

330
00:34:21,807 --> 00:34:23,798
Bloody hell!

331
00:34:28,687 --> 00:34:31,281
- Alice, what...?
- It's all over.

332
00:34:36,047 --> 00:34:39,562
If I couldn't live with myself,
how could I live with him?

333
00:34:39,727 --> 00:34:43,606
God will forgive, I kept telling him,

334
00:34:43,767 --> 00:34:46,486
but you have to let go.

335
00:34:46,687 --> 00:34:50,885
He had to stop wanting it
and just settle for what he had...

336
00:34:51,767 --> 00:34:53,598
before...

337
00:34:54,327 --> 00:34:57,842
"No way," he said.
He wasn't going back to those days again.

338
00:34:58,007 --> 00:35:02,159
I said, "Well, you'll have to take
the consequences, I can't go on, so... "

339
00:35:04,807 --> 00:35:07,879
It's not like
I've stopped loving him, it's just...

340
00:35:08,047 --> 00:35:11,926
I don't know, it frightens me so much, all this.

341
00:35:12,087 --> 00:35:14,203
I just had to get some space.

342
00:35:16,207 --> 00:35:21,486
Of course. You have my bed tonight.
We'll grab some sofas.

343
00:35:37,727 --> 00:35:39,206
Yes!

344
00:35:39,367 --> 00:35:42,439
What's happening?
Don't tell me the game's afoot, Watson.

345
00:35:43,487 --> 00:35:46,638
<i>Amazing what you can find on the Internet
if you know what you're looking for.</i>

346
00:35:46,807 --> 00:35:51,323
- Yeah, what have you got?
- Possibly your disappearing birthmark.

347
00:35:51,487 --> 00:35:54,843
<i>Of course, it still doesn't explain why,
that's the real puzzler.</i>

348
00:35:55,727 --> 00:36:00,755
- Why what? What you on about?
- Sorry, it'll have to keep. I'm late for court.

349
00:36:05,727 --> 00:36:09,197
She said, "Where is it?"
I said, "You're sitting on it. "

350
00:36:11,127 --> 00:36:15,723
- Morning. You're looking worryingly chipper.
- Excuse me.

351
00:36:15,887 --> 00:36:18,685
Not all is doom and gloom today, Jonathan.

352
00:36:18,847 --> 00:36:22,044
Check out this sudden upsurge
in our continental fortunes.

353
00:36:24,167 --> 00:36:26,556
My God! 14 sell-outs.

354
00:36:26,727 --> 00:36:30,481
Requests for extended runs
in Paris, Lyon and Toulouse.

355
00:36:30,647 --> 00:36:34,879
The box office finally is blooming -
triggered, it seems, by events in this building.

356
00:36:35,047 --> 00:36:38,198
The sniff of a sex scandal.
You know the French.

357
00:36:38,367 --> 00:36:41,120
This case has worked wonders for my profile.

358
00:36:41,287 --> 00:36:45,121
Indeed, there's an artist's impression
of my profile in this one,

359
00:36:45,287 --> 00:36:48,563
which is extremely flattering
if anatomically impossible.

360
00:36:55,167 --> 00:36:57,635
<i>That's very unfortunate.</i>

361
00:36:58,647 --> 00:37:00,956
How serious is she, do you think?

362
00:37:02,607 --> 00:37:04,837
Well, listen...

363
00:37:05,767 --> 00:37:11,125
Maybe you should consider
exploiting this to your advantage, because...

364
00:37:11,287 --> 00:37:15,644
I'm thinking if we can get
some kind of waiver from her in writing,

365
00:37:15,807 --> 00:37:22,042
it would free you up, then -
let's face it - she'd be out of your hair forever.

366
00:37:23,167 --> 00:37:25,965
Yeah... Right.

367
00:37:27,967 --> 00:37:30,117
That sounds good to me.

368
00:37:30,807 --> 00:37:34,959
So, based on your long
professional association, Mr Creek,

369
00:37:35,127 --> 00:37:39,040
would you describe Mr Klaus as a celibate man?

370
00:37:41,047 --> 00:37:45,086
- Well, hardly that, no.
- A monogamous man, then?

371
00:37:46,807 --> 00:37:49,367
Well, not entirely.

372
00:37:49,567 --> 00:37:52,798
Would you say that he "puts it about a bit"?

373
00:37:56,127 --> 00:37:58,118
Mr Creek?

374
00:38:06,487 --> 00:38:10,719
Mr Creek? I'm still waiting.

375
00:38:16,927 --> 00:38:20,602
- What's up?
- Plenty. They want her to sign a document now,

376
00:38:20,767 --> 00:38:25,477
renouncing any future claim on the money,
which is in his name.

377
00:38:25,647 --> 00:38:30,846
I said, "You'd have to be barmy. " She said,
"If that's what he wants, he's welcome to it. "

378
00:38:31,007 --> 00:38:34,716
She left half an hour ago,
aiming to get there for three.

379
00:38:34,887 --> 00:38:37,640
Fine. I'll just have time to fill you in.

380
00:38:37,807 --> 00:38:41,686
- On what?
- On what this madness has all been about.

381
00:39:00,727 --> 00:39:03,525
Want her to sign in blood, Lenny?

382
00:39:03,727 --> 00:39:06,400
No one's forcing anyone to do anything.

383
00:39:06,567 --> 00:39:13,279
If Mrs Spearfish chooses to surrender
her share for whatever reasons, that's her right.

384
00:39:13,487 --> 00:39:16,877
The marriage having reached
a point of irretrievable breakdown,

385
00:39:17,047 --> 00:39:19,356
they should do as they see fit.

386
00:39:22,407 --> 00:39:26,559
- If I'd known it would come to this...
- We haven't got all day.

387
00:39:30,207 --> 00:39:33,199
We'll need two witnesses to the signature, so...

388
00:39:37,207 --> 00:39:39,198
If you wouldn't mind?

389
00:39:39,367 --> 00:39:43,599
Well, they've pretty much
made up their minds, so why drag it out?

390
00:39:58,167 --> 00:39:59,964
Right, I'll...

391
00:40:02,287 --> 00:40:04,278
I'll say goodbye.

392
00:41:04,567 --> 00:41:08,082
Well, it seems I totally misjudged them.

393
00:41:08,247 --> 00:41:12,684
Oh, I wouldn't say that,
Miss Spacey, or whatever your name is.

394
00:41:12,887 --> 00:41:15,640
I think you judged them both to perfection.

395
00:41:16,407 --> 00:41:20,400
Cutting her off without a penny
was never the object of the exercise.

396
00:41:20,567 --> 00:41:24,276
The point was to take them
to the wire and back.

397
00:41:24,447 --> 00:41:27,086
I haven't a clue what you're talking about.

398
00:41:27,287 --> 00:41:31,246
Clues. Yes, there were
plenty of them knocking about,

399
00:41:31,407 --> 00:41:36,401
but they all got obscured
by this pact with the Devil nonsense.

400
00:41:36,567 --> 00:41:39,843
Impressionable young couple,
one starts dabbling in the occult...

401
00:41:41,767 --> 00:41:46,124
What else would they think when their life
started changing for no apparent reason?

402
00:41:46,287 --> 00:41:49,438
They didn't know it would have changed anyway.

403
00:41:49,607 --> 00:41:52,883
That Mickey Mouse manuscript
had nothing to do with anything.

404
00:41:54,527 --> 00:41:57,883
You had it when you said
this echoed a Frank Capra movie.

405
00:41:59,807 --> 00:42:02,879
Frank Capra? Whose most famous film...

406
00:42:03,047 --> 00:42:06,278
- "It's A Wonderful Life".
- .. was all about...

407
00:42:06,447 --> 00:42:09,245
.. a man who's saved by a guardian angel.

408
00:42:12,967 --> 00:42:19,236
Someone, some mystery benefactor,
was making all this happen,

409
00:42:19,407 --> 00:42:22,797
someone rich enough
to finance buried treasure in the garden

410
00:42:22,967 --> 00:42:25,879
and miracle profits on the stock exchange.

411
00:42:26,047 --> 00:42:28,277
But how was it being engineered?

412
00:42:28,487 --> 00:42:32,639
You haven't just guessed
that someone's about to dig up an old tree.

413
00:42:32,807 --> 00:42:37,722
That points to some kind of surveillance,
professional operators watching their every move.

414
00:42:39,207 --> 00:42:44,076
The bullet thing was a fluke,
but what about that stunt by the pool?

415
00:42:46,607 --> 00:42:50,600
<i>- You got lucky once, friend...
- By now, Lenny's on this mad high.</i>

416
00:42:50,767 --> 00:42:54,396
<i>He's got nothing to fear. The Devil will save him.</i>

417
00:42:54,847 --> 00:42:59,398
<i>Sure enough, the guy seizes up,
paralysed by some unseen force.</i>

418
00:42:59,567 --> 00:43:02,479
See, look. He can't.

419
00:43:03,407 --> 00:43:09,721
The only clue was a red birthmark that appeared
on his face for a second, then vanished.

420
00:43:16,327 --> 00:43:20,320
<i>Of course, it wasn't a birthmark,
and it wasn't blood,</i>

421
00:43:21,047 --> 00:43:25,325
and it was a sleepless night
before the answer popped into my head.

422
00:43:26,287 --> 00:43:30,041
It was the red dot from a laser gun-sight,

423
00:43:30,927 --> 00:43:34,522
suggesting we were
into a very clever piece of technology here.

424
00:43:35,807 --> 00:43:41,006
A weapon that can target and disable
without leaving a mark on someone's body.

425
00:43:44,207 --> 00:43:47,483
The 34700 Air-Taser.

426
00:43:48,327 --> 00:43:51,239
Effectively jams the neuro-muscular system

427
00:43:51,407 --> 00:43:55,923
by firing two small probes
on a fine wire into the attacker's clothing.

428
00:43:57,647 --> 00:44:00,036
<i>Basically, a kind of long-distance stun gun.</i>

429
00:44:01,007 --> 00:44:06,525
<i>The victim totally loses control of his body,
in this case with fatal results.</i>

430
00:44:07,527 --> 00:44:10,564
But who'd be toting something like that around?

431
00:44:12,407 --> 00:44:14,523
If not MI5, then MI something.

432
00:44:19,407 --> 00:44:23,366
Suddenly, we're looking at a figure
with so much clout, it's frightening.

433
00:44:23,527 --> 00:44:26,883
And this afternoon in the courtroom,
it all dropped into place.

434
00:44:28,847 --> 00:44:32,203
<i>That thing about not knowing
what's lurking in your family tree...</i>

435
00:44:34,647 --> 00:44:36,683
<i>Of course, I'd already seen it...</i>

436
00:44:36,887 --> 00:44:38,923
in this house yesterday morning.

437
00:44:41,167 --> 00:44:45,001
Two blue-eyed parents
and a brown-eyed daughter?

438
00:44:45,167 --> 00:44:47,635
Genetically, most unlikely.

439
00:44:47,847 --> 00:44:50,077
Yes, the sweetest irony of the lot.

440
00:44:50,247 --> 00:44:54,160
The carefully-disguised gifts
and covert protection were all meant for Alice.

441
00:44:56,127 --> 00:44:59,802
Alice's mother would have
had every opportunity back in the '60s...

442
00:44:59,967 --> 00:45:06,156
She's worked in service to dukes
and lords and... goodness knows who else.

443
00:45:06,367 --> 00:45:11,964
.. for a little dalliance with someone
of noble - dare one even say royal? - birth.

444
00:45:13,807 --> 00:45:15,843
How about it, Anthea?

445
00:45:16,007 --> 00:45:19,204
How high up, as they say, does this one go?

446
00:45:22,927 --> 00:45:28,365
You know what my job,
my life, would be worth if I told you that?

447
00:45:29,687 --> 00:45:34,681
Well, high enough for any tell-tale letters
and diaries in that tea chest

448
00:45:34,847 --> 00:45:40,319
<i>to be torched
using some remote-controlled gizmo or other?</i>

449
00:45:45,087 --> 00:45:49,080
Let's just say it was 30 years
before the facts became clear.

450
00:45:51,287 --> 00:45:55,246
The brief was to see
that she and her family were well provided for,

451
00:45:55,407 --> 00:45:57,796
without alerting them to the truth.

452
00:45:57,967 --> 00:46:00,117
Budget and resources weren't a problem.

453
00:46:14,807 --> 00:46:19,483
<i>Budget and resources
weren't a problem, but Lenny Spearfish was.</i>

454
00:46:20,287 --> 00:46:24,075
The spectre of him gambling it all
meant you had to move quick.

455
00:46:24,247 --> 00:46:28,320
We could hardly leave her alone
with a lunatic with a gun at large.

456
00:46:28,487 --> 00:46:34,642
Then, disaster. Alice walks out on her husband,
on everything you've been setting up for her.

457
00:46:34,807 --> 00:46:40,757
I'm no marriage counsellor, but something
told me it was still solid enough... underneath.

458
00:46:40,927 --> 00:46:45,842
They just needed shaking up a bit
to knock some sense into them, basically.

459
00:46:49,887 --> 00:46:54,199
All this because no one can tell her
who her real father is.

460
00:46:54,367 --> 00:46:59,441
They'd rather she lived the rest of her life
believing this black magic baloney.

461
00:47:00,287 --> 00:47:02,847
Well, maybe... one day.

462
00:47:04,447 --> 00:47:06,961
In the end, it's not my decision.

463
00:47:08,527 --> 00:47:12,486
So, I think I can rely on you
to keep this to yourselves.

464
00:47:12,647 --> 00:47:15,081
Why on earth would you do that?

465
00:47:24,447 --> 00:47:28,565
So, go on, then. Who's your money on?

466
00:47:37,167 --> 00:47:39,362
You're kidding?

467
00:47:40,047 --> 00:47:42,117
I wouldn't put it past him.

468
00:47:45,447 --> 00:47:50,043
And after what has been a deeply distressing time
for me, personally and professionally,

469
00:47:50,207 --> 00:47:54,405
I thank God that once again
good has triumphed over evil.

470
00:47:54,567 --> 00:47:58,162
Thank you very much indeed.
Thank you. Thank you.

471
00:47:58,327 --> 00:48:01,842
- What happened?
- Didn't you hear? They threw out the case.

472
00:48:02,007 --> 00:48:03,998
11th-hour evidence.

473
00:48:04,167 --> 00:48:08,445
We acquired statements
from six other hotel guests, men of stature,

474
00:48:08,607 --> 00:48:14,284
who have all in the past paid off Miss Cretiss
to keep allegations of misconduct out of court.

475
00:48:14,447 --> 00:48:18,076
She was forced to admit
this was a scam she'd worked for years,

476
00:48:18,247 --> 00:48:21,762
exploiting compromising situations
for personal gain.

477
00:48:25,727 --> 00:48:29,845
These are dated five weeks ago.
You could have stopped this coming to court.

478
00:48:30,007 --> 00:48:34,762
And averted all that publicity
that got our ticket sales moving in France?

479
00:48:34,927 --> 00:48:41,366
Fortuitous how it's all panned out, although
business affairs are a secondary consideration.

480
00:48:41,567 --> 00:48:47,244
What is important is that I have emerged
from this sordid affair without a stain...

481
00:48:47,407 --> 00:48:51,878
Bastard! Think you're such a big-shot!
I'd have needed a magnifying glass.

482
00:48:52,087 --> 00:48:55,762
Bloody cheats, that's all you are, the lot of you!

483
00:48:55,927 --> 00:48:59,681
- Oh! Now I've got Coke up my nose.
- There's a novelty.

484
00:48:59,847 --> 00:49:05,843
Actually, I can recommend a good laundry service.
Come to think of it, if you ever need a gynaeco...

485
00:49:06,007 --> 00:49:08,157
Jewish humour. Don't you love it?

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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